Trust No One

Two turtles go camping and pack a cooler with sandwiches and beer. After three days of walking, they arrive at a great spot, but they've forgotten a bottle opener.

The first turns to the second and says, " You gotta go back and get the bottle opener or else we'll have no beer."

"No way," says the second turtle. "By the time I get back, you'll have eaten all the food!"

"I promise, I won't," replies the first. "Just hurry."

Nine full days pass and still no sign of the second turtle. Finally, the other digs into the sandwiches.

The second turtle pops out from behind a rock and yells, "I knew it! I'm not fucking going!"